The Waiting Place...

The Waiting Place...

...Contemplations on those who left, by those left behind

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

This evening, my daughter Eva and I were talking on MSN Messenger. Some concerns were brought up about the continued separation of her and the boys from Meran...

Eva/Nirgaz says:
I am going to go apply for a job with sprint tomorrow, wish me luck
Eva/Nirgaz says:
That's not the field I want, the sprint job, but it is a job until I can either finish writing something to publish, or find a job in my field
Trishymouse says:
what is the job at Sprint doing?
Eva/Nirgaz says:
customer service, but they have an onsite fitness center, which I would love so on breaks I could actually exercise, and maybe I could even get a discount on a cell phone, which I have wanted to get
Trishymouse says:
well, that sounds like it could be a good interim job. But I hope you continue writing/journalism. I can hardly wait to read/see more of you doing that...!
Eva/Nirgaz says:
plus, if I am not at home, I am less likely to snack, which is my biggest downfall in the battle of the bulge
Trishymouse says:
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Eva/Nirgaz says:
I just signed up actually for a free account with writing.com, a website that helps authors and encourages writing in the hopes of igniting my passion again. With all the depression I have dealt with over the past year has really paralyzed me in that regards
Trishymouse says:
Depression? Really? I didn't know you were that down. Yes, that can really freeze a person up, that is for sure. Have you talked to a doctor about it? It's hard to know if something is clinical depression or not, and if medication is appropriate or not. Pills are not evil, but just throwing pills at something is not necessarily the answer, either. What do YOU think?
Eva/Nirgaz says:
I am not sure, those pills usually take so long to go in effect that I usually stop taking them, I am not big on pill taking, forgetfull and what not. I had actually been on zoloft after Mu'min. Maybe it is worth a try again, but I am not sure.
Trishymouse says:
I can only speak for myself, but Paxil helped me. Grandma tried Zoloft, and it didn't help her. Now she is on Effexor, and they seem to be helping. But that's the thing - who knows why? It could be that more time passed and she's just getting less grief-stricken...
Trishymouse says:
In the end, for you, Eva, I would not let things get worse. If you feel you are not getting better, SEE A DOCTOR. Get what you need. Whether it's anti-depressants, or counselling, or both, take care of yourself, Sweetie...
Trishymouse says:
You can always call or talk to me - I'm not professional, but I'm a good listener, I love you, and I care...
Eva/Nirgaz says:
I realized the other night the reason Meran being gone bothered me so much, it was like now my kids were getting abandoned by their father, just like I was by mine. It hurt because history was in a way repeating itself and I had no control over preventing it. Now Meran himself is nothing like dad, but the lack of a father is similar. Even Salih is perceptive of the situation, he told me this morning something that shocked me "I don't have a father" I told him "yes you do" he said " If I did he would come back to us"
Trishymouse says:
On first hearing, it sounds strange, because we know he does have a father, and we think, "He just saw his Dad...", but from his point of view, he obviously doesn't feel that way. I would share these things with Meran, with your concerns about what it may mean for the future for the boys. It may be just that he's missing his father, but on the other hand...
Eva/Nirgaz says:
Don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate the sacrifice Meran is making to provide for us, but at the same time is it worth the cost?? Worth my depression,worth the boys resenting their father the way I still sort of resent my own?
Trishymouse says:
When Meran visits in April, it will be important for him to not just spend time with Salih (and Bilal and Mu'min of course, but Salih is oldest...), but to really talk to him, ask him about that specifically, and ask how he feels about him being gone again, etc....
Trishymouse says:
Yes, maybe ask Meran to find choices, to not just funnel all his energy and focus only on this choice. That's why I mentioned he should start, if he hasn't, on networking through his contacts for other work that can make a good living, but not have to be away so much....
Eva/Nirgaz says:
I agree, but I don't know if Meran will, or will take seriously what they are even saying.
Trishymouse says:
Meran strikes me as a person who deeply cares about his family. If you talk with him about how important you can see this is to Salih, I can't believe he wouldn't, do you?
Eva/Nirgaz says:
I have told him my feelings, in fact I just emailed him about it.
Eva/Nirgaz says:
I am not sure ...
Trishymouse says:
If you haven't yet, tell him about what Salih said, too, though...
Eva/Nirgaz says:
Yea,..I want to...at the same time I am afraid of hurting him...
Trishymouse says:
I'm confused. Keeping him informed of things that are hurting his children should not hurt him. It should concern him, and that's not always fun, but hey, that's part of being a husband and parent. Too bad! So he becomes worried and/or concerned. Good! Then he might seriously consider other options! I'm not saying to whine at him, I'm saying...
Trishymouse says:
...to responsibly, lovingly tell him what's going on, and ask him to consider choices that would be better for all of you but still provide a good living....
Eva/Nirgaz says:
you are right, and I said something similar about considering what was best for us all in the email I sent earlier this evening. I just left that part about Salih out. I think I will mention it to him now though.
Eva/Nirgaz says:
I was just still in shock that Salih said it, because I never talk about how I feel about his father in front of him.
Trishymouse says:
That just makes it all the more authentic, so I can understand your shock. But you know, they say kids pick up on things. Salih probably can see you are unhappy sometimes, and he loves you...
Eva/Nirgaz says:
he is an intuitive little devil
Eva/Nirgaz says:
if I was in DC or Chicago, finding a job or an internship would be a piece of cake in my field, but here, it is slim pickings if any
Trishymouse says:
I better run anyways. Have fun!
Trishymouse says:
Keep looking. You'll find your dream job if you work at it, trust me.
Eva/Nirgaz says:
ok, love you , good night, thanks for listening,
Eva/Nirgaz says:
XXXXXXXOOOOOO
Trishymouse says:
XXXXX OOOOO

posted by Trish | 12:11 AM

Friday, January 16, 2004

Kurds are making moves to secure their political power and independence in the new Iraq. They know they've been good friends to the United States as it freed their country, and now they're calling in the favor. I can't say I blame them. Of course, their neighbors in Syria and Turkey are none too pleased. They're worried 'their' Kurds will get too big for their britches and demand more autonomy, too. All I can say it, let the political process address it, NOT guns. But you know how human nature is. Time will tell...

posted by Trish | 10:36 PM

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The Weblog Review says

"...focuses more on the human aspect of the Middle East conflict...marvelously refreshing" and "...a portrait of a genuinely loving marriage, and what happens when two people who love each other are torn apart by circumstances."

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Click here to see more images from Eva's visit to Iraqi Kurdistan, to visit Meran in late 2003

I spoke with my daughter and son-in-law tonight. Meran said he wasn't nervous. He sounded resolved, certain that what he was about to do was the right thing. Maybe a bit of his confidence was to help Eva and his sisters feel better about it and not worry for him, but I think he truly believes he should be doing this.

...it's been indicated to Meran that it's more likely that when he's deployed, he won't be going to Kuwait, but Northern Iraq since a northern front is now being established and they'll need Kurdish translators and interpreters onsite.

The poem below was written by a human rights activist that befriended Meran in the Turkish refugee camps. It is all true, based on recollections and memories shared with her by Meran. It was published in a book called "Kurdistan Times", a biannual publication of the Kurdish Human Rights Watch, Copyright 1997...

MY HOME IN KURDISTAN
By Margareta Hanson

My home, so
my father told me
was in a valley
in the mountains,
with a river
clear and cold,
its water running
from the snowfields.

In the garden
fruit trees grew.
We had cucumbers,
grapes and melons.
In the barn
there were, of course,
cows and sheep and
my father's horse.

In our home,
heated by
the baking oven
were handmade carpets
of all colors.
It was my home
until 1980 when
I was two years old.
Then came Saddam's soldiers.
Iraqi troops
bulldozed our house
and the barn,
destroyed the garden
and drove us out
from our valley
in the mountains.

Hunted, homeless,
frightened,
we had to flee.
My father's horse
carrying some
blankets, pots and pans
and my older brother
carrying me.

For years we walked
at night
lighted by the stars.
We were hungry,
cold and ill,
sleeping in a tent
as from place
to place we went.

Like that
we lived
until 1988
when I was
ten years old.
Then planes flew by
and chemical bombs
exploded in the sky.

I had run, was
hiding in the mountains.
When I returned I found
that my mother,
my father, and my brother
were laying dead.
Peshmergas helped me
bury them, and then I fled.

Four years went by.
I stayed with
thousands of other Kurds
in a Turkish camp.
We lived in tents.
For heat the sun,
for light at night
the shining stars.

Now I am in another world
of neon lights and cars.
Here in the United States
I go to school and work at night.
I call myself a man and say
"Forgotten is the pain,
I am on my way."

But when I sleep
I am a child at home
in the valley
in the mountains
with the river
cold and clear,
it's water running
from the snowfields.

In the garden
fruit trees grow.
We have cucmbers,
grapes and melons.
In the barn
there are, of course,
cows and sheep
and my father's horse.

In my dream
I clearly see them,
my father, my mother
and my older brother,
in our home
in the valley
in the mountains
in my country, Kurdistan.

I am asking you, my friend,
is there a Kurdistan,
a land that is mine,
that will welcome me?
Is there a land
of peace and democracy
where all people are free
and living in harmony?

Where hate and murder
does not exist
and every man and
woman is a friend?
If so, Kurdistan, I am
your long-lost son
who wants to go home
and never leave again!