Friday, July 30, 2004

My mother has repeatedly told me that I HAVE to get out what I am feeling.  That's easier said then done when you feel like you are constantly stuck in a pit of quicksand...

Since I returned from Iraq/Kurdistan, I have found it very difficult to get back into the swing of things.  Daily things seem like chores which I begrudgingly force myself to do, from dressing and cooking to reading my children a book.  I just don't desire to do those things, neither do I feel like I have the energy.  There are a million things I have been meaning to do since I got back, some things trivial, some not so, but the point is every day I wake up and nothing is done...

Another issue I have been dealing with is my weight...I am obsessed with constantly weighing myself...finding a quick fix to losing some pounds...etc. 

So far I am stuck at 170. 

I am worried that I am putting my mental self in danger by not dealing with can I be the mother, wife, friend, daughter, etc.  I want to be if I am dealing with depression, identity issues, and many other stressful things??? 

So now I am starting to write, in hopes that I heal and in the process discover myself again...

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Eva says that Meran continues to be in the town of Gayara near the northern town of Mosul. Meran hopes to know more in about month on whether or not he can assigned further north nearer his relatives, and where it would be safer for Eva and the boys to join him...
"They endured the repulsive Saddam. They endured our shameful UN sanctions. They endured our invasion. And now they must endure the anarchy we call freedom."
Even though I've never stepped foot in Iraq, my gut is telling me that Robert Fisk sums it up pretty well.
"...what I saw was infinitely more disturbing: a nation whose government rules only its capital, a country about which we fantasize at our peril."
He outlines the results of an overall badly management war/operation/campaign - the word used doesn't matter.  What matters is that we have messed up big.  We managed to alienate a country and region even further,  rather than build bridges.  A huge wasted opportunity.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Up in the Air

I asked Eva last night if she had any news on Meran - where he is, what he's doing?

She said yes, she did. He will be going to Al-Qayyarah, south of Mosul a little bit in the next day or so instead of Ba'qubah like previously mentioned. The reason was because he was reassigned from Special Forces and requested an assignment in the North. He told her that depending on where he gets assigned and how much leave he can take, that will determine if he still wants her and the boys to come over there. It is looking more and more as if he may not get assigned where he wants, and that he will just decide to come back home.

I asked, so he's not tied into another contract then yet, I'm assuming?

His contract was never really like tied anyways, he is free to leave any time he wants, Eva responded.

Nice contract is all I can say. Wonder how that works! Maybe after one year, there are options and it's easier to leave after that. Who knows. I'm hoping he comes home, but at the same time if he really wants to help over there, I can understand that, too. I'm not so sure it's the best thing to do, however, considering all the other factors that have recently come up...