Eva and I had an online chat a couple of days ago about what's been happening recently on Boileryard. Eva had this to say about how her recent efforts to talk through things with her neighbor and friend has went...

Anyways about Suad...well, I asked Kasar to talk with her, try to explain my side of things,cause if anyone could do it, it would be her, but I underestimated how Suad won't budge...So that didn't work...Next, I wrote her a poem to express my feelings, cause I had yet to talk face to face...she wrote and email back basically saying "you can't play on my emotions" although I had probably done so...So today I went to talk to her face to face at her work...luckily Kasar was there, so I didn't feel as intimidated...Suad is rather intimidating to me at times...and so I talked with Suad and told her the bottomline to me was that we were family, I could forgive her, but I wanted her to understand me, my intentions in my writing etc...and to not make her own assumptions...Eventually I got to the bottom of things and that it was more Zainab that was bothering her...She has several times made derrogatory remarks towards Kurds, made insane generalizations, etc...there are times where I may agree with her but not the way she expresses it, she tends to not care if its being offensive, but then there are times where even I have to say Zainab, you are out of line...Basically Suad felt betrayed by me because I didn't help defend her and Kasar against BC who she saw as attacking her and Islam, although I explained that I had emailed him, I just didn't think publically telling him off was something called for...Also she felt betrayed because she feels I give off two faces, loving Kurds, and then bashing them...Zainab has had some bad experiences with some, lack of true understanding of their cultural ways, language barriers...etc...Truth be told, there are some things, unless Zainab is willing to give Kurds a true chance, she will never understand them to the depth I do...Like I told Suad, I loved Kurds before I knew them and my heart was open to truly knowing them...but with Zainab...she had some bad experiences prior to marriage, and even after, her husband has some of his own issues with his people, they put him in jail for being too relgious, so that makes her even more apt to not be as open minded to why Kurds act the way they do...It's a stuggle...but I am learning that not to be offensive I may have to think carefully in how I say or write things...

I responded by saying I was confused, amazed that Kurds would put other Kurds in jail for being 'too religious' since I have always seen and experienced them as very tolerant people. Eva responded by saying...

All the time....sad but true...even Suad's husband left for that reason from Iraq. You have to be loyal to the parties over there...if your religion is your priority, watch out. A lot of the middle easteran countries are like that; if you do anything above and beyond the 5 pillars, that you love God more than your country, that you don't participate socially as much even though their social functions may compromise your religious beliefs...Nazar, Suad's husband, told me of stories of guys being tortured over there in jail...That's why I am hestitant about even living over there for any extended amount of time in the future, except for visits...I am libel to piss someone off, be considered far too liberal. I don't think you would have found this sort of behavior before "nationalism fever" struck in the hearts of the Kurds. Many of them feel a lot of resentment for Arabs because for the most part, with the exception of the Turks, it has been Arabs oppressing them...so because Islam came from the Arabs, they resent it in a way...they would never give it up...it's been with their people for so long...but to follow it wholeheartedly in some of their minds is a betrayal of their people for a faith brought to them by their oppressors. As a writer, I have learned that sometimes I may not be intending to come off offensive and I do, and to try to put myself in the shoes of who my subject is so that I dont run into misunderstandings like this again...but like someone recently told me - "When you are a writer/reporter you are going to have people that love you and hate you, get use to it!" (Meran)